Every parent wishes the best for their children. To that end, it often happens that parents make plans for their children, which fail to work out purely because the child has different plans altogether. The reason being children are highly unpredictable in their behaviours. At one point, your child may seem to be on cloud nine, but soon after may feel lonely and crave your attention. Due to this uncertain behaviour on the part of children, it is quite possible that you as a parent end up leaving behind labels on your child.
What exactly are these labels? Labels are essentially adjectives that you may use to describe your child’s nature and behaviour. For instance, good girl, bad boy, cry baby, etc. Now, even though this may be a passing phase, and you might just stick out labels without any bad intentions, the problem with labelling children is that this might end up making them feel judged and cornered. This is particularly true when the labels are negative and questionable.
Thus, it is rightly said, “labelling is disabling”. And this is exactly why, we, at The Tribhuvan School, one of the top 10 schools in Patna, would like to advise all the parents reading this write-up to refrain from giving labels to your children. Let us now get to know the many facets of child labelling and the impact it can have on your child’s growth and betterment.
Introduction to Child Labelling:
As a parent, you might often feel that your child just doesn’t listen to you. However, the fact is that children are excellent listeners. This only means every word and statement that you make about anything and everything around you is likely to get registered in your child’s mind. The words and statements become even more significant to children if it is associated with them.
For instance, your child may be open to consuming only certain types of foods. Owing to the same, you may end up often referring to your child as a fussy eater. Your child will immediately take note of this label. You may be making statements like these both unknowingly and innocently, but it is possible that your child is marking and registering every word that is being said by you.
Adjectives such as shy, bossy, smart, creative, dumb, intelligent, and the likes that you might use for your children is exactly what labelling refers to. It is quite possible that the behaviour put forth by your child is temporary and merely a one-off trait, but your action of labelling your child can make it a permanent resident in your child’s life. Thus, it is important for the parents to be very mindful about what they are exclaiming, especially with children around!
Reasons That Lead to Parents Labelling Their Children:
It is quite human for parents to label children. That is how it has been going on for decades and, if not brought up now, will continue to stay into play for many more years to come. Having said that, before we go into the intricacies of parents’ labelling children and drawing diverse conclusions out of it, it is important to first note down all the possible reasons that may be pushing parents into giving labels to their children. Let’s read on.
- Spur of the moment:
If you go out and survey a few parents in your locality, you will come to understand that most parents do not have a particular reason or intention behind labelling their children. In most cases, parents may not even be aware that they are labelling their children. This has a lot to do with not knowing that there is a problem, which means no effort is made to make amends.
Many times, child labelling happens in the flow of a conversation or spur of the moment. For instance, you may be having a conversation with a fellow parent. The fellow parent may be describing a few characteristics and behavioural traits of their children. You may just be trying to add your two cents to the conversation, in the process of which you might end up leaving behind a label or two for your child. Thus, the need of the hour is to make parents aware of such actions of theirs so that appropriate measures can be taken on their part.
- For giving direction:
It is quite possible that parents whose children are shy often highlight this trait. This is possibly because parents wish to make their children aware of this trait so that children start acting upon it and display more openness in the days to come.
What parents fail to realise here is that this assumption can backfire as well. Some children might end up taking their parent’s thoughts of them as the final word and would start believing that their nature is shy, something that would continue to remain this way forever.
Here, parents will end up facing the challenge at two levels. Firstly, the parent’s objective of getting the child to open up will fail miserably. Secondly, the child might go into a shell, breaking which might not just be difficult but, in some cases, even impossible. This is exactly why parents should avoid labelling children. In the process of trying to do some good, labelling might end up causing permanent damage.
- To be appreciative:
Speaking about labelling, it is necessary to understand that child labelling is not always negative. Your child may be a great storyteller, painter, and sketch artist. When one child has so many diverse skills, it is quite possible for you as a parent to be in awe of your child, which is usually displayed by using labels like “creative” in favour of your child.
Parents want their children to feel good and appreciated, which could be one of the reasons behind parents stressing on such labels. Even though appreciation is a good act, it is necessary to stop at some point.
We are saying so in black and white because extensive positive labelling in the form of appreciation may end up making your child believe that he or she is the most superior one, which in the long run can diminish the effectiveness of such skills. Thus, we, at The Tribhuvan School, ranked among the top 10 schools in Patna, would like to advise all the parents out there that even though it is good to say good things about your children, it is vital to know where to draw the line.
- For showing how well they know their children:
For every parent, their world revolves around their children. When children are so important, parents want the world to know that they know every big and small trait, behaviour, likes and dislikes of their children. It is during this act of being one with their children that parents unknowingly end up giving out much more than required.
Certain part of the information that is being given out can possibly take the form of labels. When parents are letting the world know that their children are smart, fussy, and creative, there is a side to them that is proud that they are aware of every single behavioural aspect of their child.
Even though there is nothing wrong with taking pride in knowing one’s children well, the real problem is with the labels that they are leaving behind in the process.
- Introducing children to various traits:
If someone was to ask you to list out a string of adjectives about yourself, it is quite possible for you to come up with a never-ending list. This is purely because there are so many adjectives that define a person. In fact, to a great extent, it is these adjectives that differentiate one person from the other. Moreover, these adjectives give every individual his or her own character and place in this big wide world.
Many times what happens, especially with young children, is that they fail to differentiate one adjective from the other. Moreover, they do not even know what each of these adjectives means, which can, in the future, act as a hurdle for them to better express themselves to others around.
In order to free children from this challenge, parents feel one of the great ways of introducing children to these adjectives is by defining the child’s own characteristics, which then end up being recognised as labels. We, at The Tribhuvan School, positioned among the top 10 schools in Patna, would want to keep parents reminded that this is not the only way of opening up children’s information channels as, quite often, labels can demean, offend, and put down children.
Less Pros and More Cons of Labelling:
Since labels are usually a mix of positive and negative remarks, they leave behind a mix of pros and cons. Let us dive deep into these.
PROS:
- Instils self-confidence:
Let us say your child has beautiful handwriting. This is something you appreciate about your child and often bring it up before others. This is a positive label that your child will be happy to take in his or her stride. Positive labels like these help children believe that they possess extraordinary traits that are worth receiving a mention. In fact, such children gain a good amount of self-confidence, which is likely to be displayed in other verticals of life. A child, who is self-confident, is in a better position to express, impress, and go in search of his or her calling. Self-confidence is one such trait, which once imbibed by a child, will continue to become the child’s second nature in the years to come.
- Helps with skill development:
Even though a child may be blessed with the best of skills, it is necessary that such skills be developed further and used in the interest of the child’s overall growth and development. For instance, your child may be blessed with a fantastic grasping power, something you may be reminding your child time and again. However, this grasping power will only become useful if it is used for the right purpose. Forget about the right purpose, let us just say the said skill is just put to use. If the child is able to excel in academics as also participate in oratory competitions only to come out as a winner because of his or her inbuilt grasping powers that are polished on a timely basis, can we say that the skill is coming to the child’s use. Thus, we can state that labelling a child’s positive traits may help in further skill development.
- Shapes the child’s life for good:
Your child may be lucky to possess a string of useful traits. Each of these traits is sure to come in handy not just in the child’s growing up years, but more so ever when the child grows up. For instance, your child may have fantastic soft and interpersonal skills. It is because of these skills that your child will be able to comfortably converse with his or her classmates and ultimately develop meaningful friendships. Similarly, the ability to communicate without fear and hesitance may lead to your child being able to better express and make viewpoints heard before the teachers.
Now, if you as a parent make it a point to label your child as someone, who possesses good soft skills, your child is likely to be convinced about his or her abilities and ultimately display the same in the professional world as well. Right from clearing interviews to shining in organisational presentations, interpersonal skills become useful in more than just one way.
If you have already started assuming that labels are a great way of levelling up children, you need to note that this is just the tip of the iceberg! Many times, labels are negative, which is why these pros would never show up. Moreover, there are million other ways of introducing children to these pros, which is why it would be in the child’s interest for parents to refrain from labelling their children. In fact, labelling has more cons than pros, which is another reason to avoid leaving labels on children.
CONS:
- Children will be cut off from the world:
Assuming that your child is shy, it is quite possible that you continuously remind your child of this trait, which is nothing but an act of labelling. Repeat reminders will make your child assume that being shy is the child’s real side leading to the child going into a cocoon. Such a child will find it difficult to interact with teachers and peers, ultimately making it difficult for the child to make friends. Moreover, now that the child has accepted that it is not possible to develop the skill of interacting, the child will grow up as a shy personality, which can come in the way of the child’s professional progress. Thus, you should avoid labelling children, something we, at The Tribhuvan School, constantly reinstate to all the parents.
- Children will avoid putting effort:
As a parent, who has labelled his or her child as someone who takes time to grasp and understand things, it is quite possible that the child would end up assuming that coming out of this limitation is never possible. Moreover, such a child would refrain from making any effort to develop the ability to better grasp and understand things. Since the child would no longer be willing to overcome the challenge that stands between the child and his or her goals, the child would continue to fare poorly not just during the growing up years but also when it is time to step into the outside world and make a name for oneself.
- Children would go in denial:
It is difficult to find a child who does not like praise or appreciation. Contrary to this, even a minor negative remark can shake a child’s confidence to grow and achieve goals. Just imagine the level of impact negative labelling can attract! It is common for such children to go into denial. Moreover, it is possible for such children to depict unanticipated behaviours such as severe anger, hate, and mental agony. Many times, such children can turn into rebels who may decide to go against the wishes of their parents. Thus, it is always better for the parents to keep negative labelling far away from their children.
- Children can be bullied often:
It is common for you as a parent to be friends with your child’s friends’ parents. With such friendships in the picture, it is common for you to express whatever you feel about your child to a fellow parent. You may be curious to know if the other child is acting in a similar fashion or if such behaviour is restricted only to your child. However, in the process, you might end up communicating to the fellow parent about how fussy, arrogant, and stubborn your child is. Surprisingly, it doesn’t take time for such information to reach children who are studying with your child.
When such a thing happens, your child’s classmates might start repeatedly pointing out these characteristics in your child, make fun of and pull down your child, and also leave your child isolated. This can interfere with your child’s mental health, which is one of the main reasons why parents should refrain from labelling their children. We are certain you would never want other children to bully your child because of a little slippage on your part.
- Children will face esteem issues:
Self-esteem is extremely important for every individual, children included. Many times, parents unknowingly end up giving negative labels to children, which doesn’t take time to interfere with children’s self-esteem. As a parent, you must know how important self-esteem is for your child’s growth and development. This is not just true with respect to academic goals but also life goals in general. Self-esteem helps children tick personal goals off their list. In fact, self-esteem helps children to see challenges in the eyes and face them with all their grit. Likewise, self-esteem allows children to rise above peer pressure and develop a positive self-image about oneself. We, at The Tribhuvan School, ranked among the top 10 schools in Patna, strongly believe that a child’s self-esteem can make or break the child. This is one of the key reasons behind us reminding parents to exercise control over their words and avoid labelling children.
Looking at the cons listed above, it is highly advisable for parents to stop labelling their children right away.
Labels are for Products, not People!!
When you head out to a Departmental Store with your grocery list, the first thing you do when you pick up every item is read the product’s labels. The label essentially defines the ingredients, nutritional aspects, and other important information related to the product. One of the main reasons behind labelling products is because every single category has a wide range of competitive products, which is why distinguishing one from the other becomes important, which is something labels help with.
Speaking about human beings, in this case, children, no two children are the same. Every child has a different set of characteristics, beliefs, and values. This brings us to concluding that there is no particular reason why one should give labels to children.
Having said that, we would like to remind the parents not to confuse labelling with sharing your appreciation for your children or correcting your children when they go wrong. If your child has made a noteworthy achievement, make sure that you pat your child’s back. Similarly, if your child is going wrong, highlight the wrong behaviour and get it rectified then and there.
If you are wondering how this is different from labelling, you must note that labelling is a result of constantly underlining the same characteristic that you see in your child to a point wherein the child starts accepting it as a part of their being. Contrary to this, acts of appreciation and demanding amends are one-off activities which do not cause a lasting impression on the child’s mind.
We, at The Tribhuvan School, one of the top 10 schools in Patna, understand that it is only human nature to get carried away and make unwarranted remarks once in a while. However, what is important for the parents is to draw the line at the right time and bring an end to the practice of labelling children.